A Balancing Act: Navigating Fatherhood as a Student Parent
Student parents are not alone in their college journeys. When parenting students pursue higher education, it is a family affair. Dinner tables become shared homework spaces. Children accompany their parents to class or school functions. Calendars fill with extracurriculars for both parents and children. Even time focused on schooling and survival might regularly mean choosing to sacrifice precious family time. How often do we ask how the children of student parents interpret and experience these realities? In this three-part series, the SPARK Collaborative asked current and former student parents to reflect with their children about their time in school. These interviews underscore the importance of creating systems that empower student parents and their families.
I have always been told growing up that I wasn’t smart enough to go to college. In the small town I grew up in that was typical. I never felt like I belonged there and always wanted something more–I got that with Orianna. I had a strong desire to do something with my life and be a good example for my daughter. I quickly learned how difficult it was to manage more than a couple things at a time and my balancing act had finally begun.
Learning time management and how to appropriately split up my time each day to finish the responsibilities I had and still make time for Ori was a daunting task. I was very low income and working paycheck to paycheck. I was on WIC, SNAP, and needed medicaid for health insurance. I even allowed myself to feel guilty having to use those services to care for my child. It weighed heavily on my conscience and really pushed me to do more with my life–for me, so I could do more for Ori.
Ori is 10 years old and is in 5th grade. I am such a proud father and I see how much she looks forward to school and her education. It fills me with pride to think that my academic journey could be an inspiration for her own studies at her school. She loves literature and spelling (I was very much the same) and my heart sings every time she comes home from school with a big smile on her face and her spelling test with a perfect score in her hands. Her drawing skills have improved and reflect her love of all kinds of animals and nature that is all around us–it inspires me greatly.
My fatherhood has taken me to a place where I feel like I finally belong. I am proud of the hard work I have put into this ever-changing balancing act. I get better at it each and every day and the bond I share with Orianna is my whole world. I know the effort and long nights I have put in will continue to pay off and I’m excited to see how my little Ori will change the world herself.
What do you remember most about me being in school while also being your parent?
Ori: Me being happy!! :] I’m very grateful that my dad is in school and I’m excited for what awaits in the future— I think studying for law ‘n stuff is pretty cool! <3
Kevin: I love to hear a response from you like this! I am excited to see what myself and my daughter will do in school and in the future, and I also think that her art is pretty cool!
Were there moments that stood out to you as especially hard or inspiring?
Ori: Oh, absolutely!! There were definitely moments of both, but I’ll just say something that was very inspiring. I am inspired that my papa wants to make life better and just serve justice in general! I would love to do something like that and I also love politics. ;D
Kevin: That is such a beautiful answer and I appreciate that Ori understands my contributions and what I want to do so we can make the US a more supportive place for parenting students. My daughter inspires me every day of my life, and I can’t imagine a world without her.
Were there times when you wished things could have been different?
Ori: Yes, there was indeed!!! Sometimes I regret my actions badly, but sometimes I also like what I did. I wondered if I could have been better during that time.
Kevin: This would be a great time to have our “we are only human and will make mistakes” talk. I am glad that Ori is catching on and learning the tough lessons in life that we all run into.
Did seeing me study or work hard for my education ever influence how you think about your own goals?
Ori: This is a REALLY!! Really good one!!! It's the main reason why I work harder in school, and I hope I do better at it in general, and my papa is my main motivator! I pressure and go hard on myself a lot (which I shouldn’t do at ALL) for some reason and I need to fix it. :C
Kevin: Awww! My little girl is my whole world, and she influences me every day and often. I am extremely proud of her studies and all those perfect score spelling tests she brings home that go on the fridge.
How do you think my being a student parent shaped our family life? Do you feel like it taught you anything about resilience, balance, or priorities?
Ori: For the first question, I don't think it shaped it way too much, but it definitely got shaped even just a little bit! I feel like the attention mainly goes to me, but a fair amount also goes to work! For the second question, not really. I sometimes look and peek a little, but it doesn't really benefit me in any way. The only way it benefits me is entertainment. >:]
Kevin: Ori touched base on one of the hardest aspects of being a parenting student, and that is the time you need to put into your studies, your child, and your family. It is a balancing act and one that you won’t get quite right, no matter how many times you try. The good thing is that your family still appreciates and sees you when you give them quality time, and that is an effort you can be proud of!
If you tell someone else about your experience of having a student parent, what would you want them to know?
Ori: I would want them to know how hard my papa works, what he studies about, some information about the college he’s in (I would say “He goes to LCC”) and also, I would say that having a student parent isn't too hard, you may just have to leave them be at times! ;D
Kevin: I do, in fact, go to Lane Community College (LCC). I would also like to point out the hard work that Ori puts into her studies and her math, spelling, and geography tests each week—also, the times that you leave us to do schoolwork is greatly appreciated!
What advice would you give to other kids whose parents are going to school? (Think of elementary school kids, middle schoolers, and high schoolers)
Ori: This is a really hard one… D; uh… I would say that WHEN they work, leave them alone but also if you need something, ask them! I’m sure they won’t mind when you do. Second, if your parent goes to school in real life instead of digitally, and you’re gonna be absent for your entire school day, who’s gonna take care of you!!?? 0_o Do not worry!! I will tell you!! ;D Maybe have your neighbor take care of you or something. Or ask a friend. Anything that works!! ;]
Kevin: I couldn’t have said it better myself (including the cute emojis)! We absolutely do not mind taking a break and making sure our child and family are well taken care of. It’s always nice to have a community that has your back and is there for you, so to all my fellow parenting students—do not hesitate to reach out and ask for help!
Catch up on Part One in the Through My Child’s Eyes series by SPARK Fellow Shalease Williams and her son Ja’Quante Jackson available HERE. Read part two of the series featuring Dr. Kate Westaby and her son Logan Burzynski HERE.